Proud Love: Confidence in Sharing Your Same Sex Relationship

There is often good reason to be afraid.

Let’s face it: most of us (all alone) are no match against the negative messages that suggest same-sex relationships as inferior or unacceptable.

Society requires that individuals fit into binary gender roles of masculinity and femininity. This can lead to discrimination against those who do not conform to these roles.

Folks generally make assumptions about sexual orientation.

Many people assume that everyone is heterosexual until proven otherwise. This can lead to queer individuals feeling like they must come out to everyone, which can be a daunting and anxiety-inducing process. I often hear the phrase: “I feel like I’m constantly coming out”…whether it be at work or the grocery store. And no, this isn’t because you feel the need to let people know ‘what you like,’ but in response to a person assuming that your partner is the opposite sex.

There is still a pervasive lack of LGBTQ+ representation in media.

LGBTQ+ individuals are frequently misrepresented in mainstream media, leading to a lack of visibility and real understanding. This can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and negative attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community. Worse, it can reinforce stigma for a person who does not relate to the commonly accepted stereotypes about LGBTQ+ people.

Legal discrimination still exists in many places.

In many countries, same-sex relationships are not legally recognized or protected. This lack of legal protection can cause individuals to fear discrimination, harassment, and violence from others who do not accept their orientation or identity.

Fear of how your family relationships might change is a legitimate concern. Whether you are someone in your family who plays the role of:

• the hero – the person who represents the family ideal, or the “golden child”
• the scapegoat – the person who receives the most blame or disappointment
• the mascot – the person who deflects tension or conflict with distractions such as humor
• the lost one – the person who chooses to avoid difficult family interactions by engaging in socially acceptable outlets (i.e working an extra job to avoid what’s happening at home, but justifying it based on the need to earn more money).

…you stand to be affected by the reactions and responses of those you love. People in same-sex relationships frequently worry about how their family’s perceptions of them might negatively change, loss of relationship trust, and the fear of being seen as more dishonest than they did prior to sharing their relationship.

The best part about sharing your same-sex relationship with others is the positive impact on the relationship itself. It can eliminate the barriers to addressing problems that need to be worked on between same-sex partners.

Sharing your same-sex relationship can lead to improved mental health and well-being. Keeping secrets or living a double life can be emotionally exhausting and lead to anxiety and depression. By fully embracing your identity and sharing a healthy relationship with others, you can reduce stress and feel more authentic. Sharing your same-sex relationship can also lead to stronger relationships with family and friends alike. It can help foster communication, trust, and mutual understanding, which can ultimately lead to more fulfilling relationships. By sharing your relationship, you also challenge societal stigmas and promote acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, one relationship at a time.

Your honesty and authenticity can inspire others to do the same and create a more inclusive and welcoming environment for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

So, you might be wondering: “What can I do now to build more confidence in sharing my same-sex relationship?” I would suggest reflection in the following areas:

1. Think about who you want to share your relationship with and why: consider who you might feel safe sharing your relationship with and what the benefits would be to you and your relationship.
2. Know your boundaries ahead of time: the thought of negotiating your identity, speaking on behalf of the entire LGBTQ+ community, or the need to be prepared for a debate can feel overwhelming and produce undesirable feelings. Consider the limitations you will allow yourself if/when people ask questions about your experience. You have the right to say “I’m happy to share some of my experiences with you, but I’m not comfortable having a debate.”